i might be in a relationship right now and not even know....
hahahahahahaha LMAO!
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its been awhile since we talked

i havent blogged in soo long. tomorrow i will try to catch everyone up
on what has been going on in my life. stay tuned :)
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"you got it, you got

some kinds of magic, hyponotic hypnotic

your leaving me breathless

i hate this, i hate this

your not the one i believe in"

_________________________________________________________________

"I had to stop myself From saying something that I should've never thought of you

I knew, I know in my heart it's not you

I know, but now I know what I want

I want, I want,

Oh no, I should've never thought"

Whats a vegitarian to do?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!



i overstuffed myself on mashed taters and rolls :D
not to mention the amazing bread pudding....................





december 13- 4 months :D

dreams take me away

this whole week has just been strange, its kinda undescribable, its kinda whatever. i told someone something today that i should have just kept my mouth shut about. because now that i said it& actually talked about it, i feel even shittier. good job brittany, your making your life harder as you speak. whatever, i knew the outcome that i was going to get. i knew that nothing would change. so why did i even say anything? obviously, i like to bring myself down.

eh well tomorrow night is twilight, hopefully it will be so good that i forget all of everything that has been going on lately. part of me believes it will be that good, and part of me has no hope in it being that good. i guess i will just have to wait and see...

joseph and kenny think they seen a UFO! i completely believe them because it happened in the same place me and amanda saw one about a month ago. it so crazy, and it sucks that no one will ever believe me without thinking i was crazy in the back of their minds.

i think that im gonna go lay in my bed now and listen to music because im just not in the mood to do anything else. also, partly because this is the only real sleep i will be getting in a few days. i might as well get as much as i can.
dreams, take me away.

"my thoughts you cant decode"

paramore- i caught myself

"Down to you You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought of you of you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want
You got it you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this I hate this
You're not the one I believe in, With God as my witness
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought of you of you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want
Don't know what I want, But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself
From saying something That I should've never thought of you
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you I knew,
but now I know what I want, I want, I want Oh no, I've should have never thought"

http://www.purevolume.com/paramoreband


this song explains things so perfectly right now.
like 100% of the song, there is no one line im not feelin.

holding back.

its not that i dont want to talk to you.
it would just be best for me if i didnt right now.
im gonna try and stifle these feelings.
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your ship has sailed

i am not 5 anymore, im seven-fucking-teen, and i think its time for you
to let me handle my own problems. you dont have a special power to make
everything go your way, things just happen sometimes that we cant fix.
and as all knowing as you think you are, it would be nice if you just
shut your mouth and let me solve my own problems.
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im here

i just read something and i now feel like crying :[

to 'you',
i am here. i know we hardly talk at all, heck, weve probably only spoke 25 sentences to eachother since ive known you, but i want you to know that im here if you need someone to listen, someone to talk to. it kills me to think that you think there is nothing for you anymore in the world. honestly, eventhough we havent talked that much, you were one of the coolest people ive met, and i beat myself up for not becoming better friends with you when i had the chance. honestly, im not just saying this to make you feel better, its truley how i feel. so yah, im here. i really hope you know this is pertaining to you......
love,
brittany.


ps- your are not a piece of shit.

socailvibe.com <3

http://www.socialvibe.com/?r=387741

jason mraz soothes my soul <3

"I say the tragedy is how your gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end"

"When i fall in love i take my time

theres no need to worry when im making up my mind

You can turn off the sun but im still gonna shine

and ill tell you why"

HISTORY IS MADE

BARACK OBAMA IS THE FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
its an amazing day to be alive :D I still can't believe that like 1
minutes after the california polls closed it was decided. I didn't
expect to find out that early at all. I was planning on staying up until
at leave 11. obama's speech gave me chills, but then again, all of his
speeches give me chills.
"...but remember, I did not win this election......you did.....you
won....."
ugh, that part got me. he's such a powerful and passionate speaker.

ps- oh and didn't you find it funny that when obama said things about
mccain the crowd still cheered out of respect, but when mccain said
things about obama, the crowd boo'd like sore losing bitches. have
respect man, we have it for you.

I CAN'T STOP SMILING :D
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now playing:

Love it or leave it- ex-girlfriends make good writing material

new band i found, thier good :D

last year i liked you a lot, and you liked me back....

then i guess you can say i gave up and i feel horrible for it now.

now im starting to like you again, and the timing couldnt be worse.

because youve moved on when i was asleep and i didnt notice how good i could have had it.

i really screwed this up for myself :/

im sooo sorry that i may have broke your heart.

i want it back...........

final song: the material-no one has to know

its crazy how a bundle of pictures can describe things so perfectly.
take a close look at these. if you put them in the right order and read them right you will get a grasp on how things have been lately.
looks close. very close. dont skip a detail. youll get it.

playing:

chris brown- forever

again, another good song.

honestly, there is not a day that goes by where i dont wish things were different. its just way to easy to cover things up and tell people nothing is wrong. and if they do actually see thats something is wrong i just avoid the "whats wrong?" question and try to change the subject as fast as possible. Im completely fine keeping things bottled up, actually i find it better that way. if you want to help, just make me smile and make me forget anything bad has every happened, its the only thing i ask.

currently listening to:

beyonce- if I was a boy
it really is a good song.

I wish I could say to your face "I told you so" but its just not in my
nature to do something like that. but I am gonna say that you try way to
hard for me and I know you think the same way as I do. I guess its just
the season for meltdowns though, we all know I've had my share of
sickdays.

"the mo money we come across, the mo problems we see"
credits to notorious B.I.G and "puff daddy" [back then]
why am I so obsessed with this song right now? its just so amazing and
TRUE. money creates problems, as you can probably see if your a USofA
citizen. what would it be like if we lived in a "money-free" society? I
remember we talked about that one day in econ. it was pretty
interesting, but the conclusion was a sad fact to face. humans, people,
us, we are just to greedy, spoiled, weathy, poor, angry, sad, happy,
prideful, etc.... to even accept anything like a "money-free" society.
we would tear eachother apart, the world would be in chaos. so I guess
money is kindof a must, I just wish every second of our lives didn't
revolve around it. really think though, every disicion we make revolves
around money, every single little desicion comes down to money if you
think about it enough. its a sad reality, but it is the only reality we
have.
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untitled

"when i thought there was nothing else it all seemed to get a little more worse.
as if everything i ever dreamed of was flaunted right in front of my face.
how can you get everything and i am left with so little.
its hard to bare sometimes but somehow i get through.
its even harder to no be able to tell you because i know there is no way that you can fix this, not this time, not any time.
its my problem. to see. to break. to fix.
how did i get to this spot, i thought this is who you were not me.
i never thought in a million years, that this could be me.
until now.... becasue i can not escape it.
i know there is no way that you can fix this,
not this time, not any time.
its my problem. to see, to break, to fix."


just randomly opened notepad and wrote this.
how can you vent when your horrible at talking to people about things?
i guess this is one way.
i wish i was more poetic.
actually, i wish i was more of a lot of things.
ugh, things were good for a while.
i guess i should be happy for those moments.......right?

a birthday revelation

so here is that birthday apifiny I am oh so late on posting....

ok so my birthday was last week on wednesday and I didn't expect or
actually want anything, but it ended up turning out wayy different.

here is what I thought before- maybe like 2 or 3 weeks before, I decided
to not tell anyone about my birthday because personally I don't think
its a big deal. really, when you think about it, its just another day
out of the year, just another day no one will think of a week later. I
would rather have someone spend their money and time on something far
more important to them and not on me. just having good, trusting friends
by my side is probably the best birthday present I could get. I didn't
want a party, and no gifts. the real reason a birthdays insignificance
hit me so hard this year probably came from all the spoiled rotton kids
at school. whenever I hear kids talking about their bmw or all the crazy
expensive things they get, I always think "that money could be used for
something way more important" or "you could spend your time caring about
something way more important." maybe its just a defense to not be THAT
kind of girl, but I didn't want things to be focused on me. personlly,
I'm not that important, I'm not an interesting person when you really
think about it, I'm not worth your time.

but the day of my birthday, my perspective kinda got altered.

what I thought after- I still don't think that birthdays are as
important as some people make them, but they definatly hold a
significance, my amazing friends helped me see that. I still don't think
huge extravigant presents are necessary, but the little ones are. the
little presents and just thinking that someone actually took time out of
their life to think of you and do something a little special for you.
having people that you barely know, know its your birthday is a crazy
feeling I can't explain. I'm not gonna lie, it definatly made me feel
good. its also kind of cool to think that there is one day out of the
year that is kinda yours, that is special to you in one way or another.

so to wrap this rant up, I do still think there are wayy better things
to worry about in this world then to throw a huge birthday party, unless
its an impotant age. but now I've realized that its just the little
things that matter. the little gifts that someone suprises you with, or
the random "happy birthday"'s you get throughout the day, the
unexpected. those things are the best. I'm happy that it turned out how
it did. possibly one of the best birthdays I've ever had, all thanks to
you :]
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if you havent noticed

.
i changed the title of my blog

before-Welcome Home

after- CALIFORNIA GROWN

i think it suits me better and i think i was the only one who understood my last title. lol

facts:

i never want to live outside of california....everrr.

for people who live outside of california, no, tom cruise does not walk down my street, nor any streets in my town for that matter. haha

i will never be able to explain to anyone why i love california so much, sometimes i dont even understand why, i guess its just a feeling.

location change

.
i was going to post this in a bulletin on myspace but i decided not to because i already post to many useless things on there.
............so, i found out that pete has been updating the q&a on falloutboyrock.com, it just never said under the 'all' section like it used to. so i was reading them and i was once again sucked into the brilliant and oh so very sarcastic mind of peter wentz. but there was one "question" [more of a comment] i came across that cought my attention. I understand that people can lose interest in activities, places, people but i dont see any reason for it to be told to that person who has done nothing but try to be creative. here it is, if you were wondering, if you werent, you can stop reading now...

question:
oh ho ho pete. we are all lightly and slightly ammused by that darling little mix tape you put out. that song that Cobra Starship sang "I Kissed a Boy" is a real knee slapper! and who could forget the wonderful ditty "Nearly Witches" that couldnt have possibly been the work of Panic At The Disco (get your butterfly nets out and see if you can catch my swift flying sarcasm). and we all though that the Hush Sound's "We Believe in Barack Obama" was so comical and full of fantastic falsehoods. and the smiles slammed on when we heard that wonderful little text commercial "Text Fall Out Boy: FOB to 66937". cuz i totally download music to hear people telling me to get crap sent to my phone. i may never need to watch commercials again! (dayum. there are a lot of butterflies up in here now, huh!)if you see the old fall out boy, tell them they should come back and bury the sellouts they've become.i will only waste your precious time for one more minute, Mr Wentz. then i'll be out of your emo hair forever!look in the mirror, pete. what happened to you? you use to be a great guy. a fantastic artist. someone i would think of and say "i wish i could be half the artist he is". but somewhere along the line, fall out boy fell out. they have become just another band. the kind who do it for the money. even your website is covered in advertisements.the whole music industry is sinking into this same gunk. i see beautiful bands get suck down with it. and when theyre next album stares back at me from the shelf at my favorite record store, it says its by Fall Out Boy, by Cobra Starthip, by The Academy Is..., by Gym Class Heroes, but its not. all the vibrant colors that made these bands unique have blended together into a muddy brown. and who wants to buy an album that sounds like every other album on the shelves?to make this bite sized for you, i think Decaydance has sold out *cha ching!* what happened to the art? what happened to my favorite bands? they are sinking deeper and deeper, pete. they are hallowing out, and all the soul that they once had has been filled with cheep pop and the knowledge that they are getting paid.i use to want to be just like you, just like fall out boy, cobra starship, the academy is..., gym class heroes.ive thrown away my fob shirts. ive painted over the bright red bat logo that once glared at me from my Pete Wentz Squire P-Bass guitar. me and my friends refer to you not as Fall Out Boy, but as Sell Out Boy. you are no longer a poster boy for my scene.
asked by hello_im_latte on August 29, 2008


answer:
truly if you had known the old me you would have hated him. i did.and you have no idea what or where decaydance records has gone or to what lengths we have done to "not sell out"- you wont ever know because we keep it out of the public eye. sorry you did not like the mixtape that was our opportunity to do something different as a rock band. i wish i could sit down and have a conversation with you. i am sure we could learn much from eachother. until then i hope that some of the new ideas kicking around could change your mind. ps we sold "sell out boy" tshirts on our last tour because we thought it was so funny.
answered by pete on August 31, 2008
_________________________________________________________________

.............ok i give props to this 'hello_im_latte' character for her good writing skills, but i have to say, i think it is extremely rude to actually write this to the person who your actually talking about. what did you hope would happen by you writing that? for him to say "im sorry, i will change back to the person i was and i will start writing the kinds of songs i used to write" really? people change. they evolve. think about it, you most likely have changed from the time you were born to. its just human nature to want to do something different, to explore the possibilities.....
with that said, i now sound like i actually may know him and are sticking up for him... or that im just a little obsessed fan girl who doesnt take shit talkers about one of my favorite bands. i am a huge fan, but im not saying this because i get annoyed when people say bad things about my favorite bands. im saying it because i just think its completely sad to say something like that directly to that person, i would say the same thing if something happened to a band i didnt like.

sorry for my ranting.

k-h-o-p

its definatly one of my favorite stations :]

ok so if you didn't know, my birthday was wednesday and it totally
changed my views I previosly had about birthdays.
I promise, when I have more time I will explain it all.
this was just a headsup to the 0 people that read this!
lmao. I'm powerless.
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mark your calendars

sep. 30th.
the day brittany nicole monjes gave up on love.

its not for me.
I'm not even going to try anymore

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"this is getting out of hand"

.
its nice to have a blog to write to when I have something to say and
have no one be offended by what I have to say.....because nobody reads
it.....hahahaha.

www.myspace.com/heymonday
CANDLES <3

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:[

it would be a really sad thought that if you were to die tonight, the
last words that you said to me were, "I hate you brittany, I hope you
die" being more serious than I've ever see you before. maybe that's bad
to say, but then again, I knew he meant every word of it when he said it
right to my face.
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all good things come to an end

honestly, probably one of the best weekends ive had in years <3
i wish i could describe it better than that, but its all i cant think of.

i wish i could rewind back to friday night. it was the best.
i love seeing people again for the first time in about 10 years and seeing how they changed. and boy do they change, didnt expect that AT ALL. but i dont mind :] hahaha.

ok goodnight.
goodnight amazing weekend, hope to see you again real soon.

she'll chew you up and spit you out like nothing

[shredshredshredshred]
orvil shredembacher XD

im not the person I used to be,
and i'm starting to think that's a bad thing.
I didn't think so much back then, and I think way to much now.

"she's just a snake devil"
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.

geez. no one can ever feel what i feel when i see music live. its one one time in my life that i feel just comletely "right"

tower over me, with your arms like towers

remixxxxx.

i dont think i will ever be in love.

because i dont think i will ever find someone even close to me.

oh, i never saw it coming.

i found this when i was searching through all the documents ive saved on my computer in the past few years. it made me sad because i know why i wrote it. i took out all the parts that say what happened because i dont think it should be out in the open just yet, but here it is, the part that got me:

What a lot of people don’t realize is that life is not guaranteed. There is no tag on life saying that you will die of old age. Everyday past is a mission accomplished, every second we live is a breath taken away. Life can be taken from the most unexpected people in the most unexpected place at the most unexpected time. No one will ever know why.

Life can be taken just as fast as it could be given. Don’t regret things, just learn from them. Two hours. Can you imagine only getting two hours of life? That’s nothing. Yah, everyone at one time or another feels like it’s not worth it, like it will never get better, but you have to realize that everyday you live is one day longer than someone else did. And that you got to experience just a little bit more. My eyes have been opened forever.

i am finding out, that maybe i was wrong.

i am in love with the lighting of this picture.

folie a deux- the return

.

here is the cover. im so extremely excited for this album :D

it makes me happy that the album is coming out on the day we get a new president, if you dont know what day that is, you need to go look it up, because its gonna be one of the most important and life changing days of your life. even if you havent thought once of the election, or if you dont care about politics at all. this decision is going to impact us [young ones] more than anyone else. okay ill stop talking about politics now, i think ive had my share of political posts in the last few weeks. anyway, this album is going to be more than amazing, i can feel it.

folie a deux-(literally, "a madness shared by two") is a rare psychiatric syndrome in which a symptom of psychosis (particularly a paranoid or delusional belief) is transmitted from one individual to another.

look out! look out! look out!

.
I'm done being nice to people who don't deserve it.
I'm not saying that I'm going to be mean.
I just don't care anymore.
I'm just going to see right through everything.
being mean to someone is just wrong, acting like their not there and
have no effect whatsoever on you is the the best way to go. at least
that's how I see it.

goodbye forever. I will never let you sway me again.

done: 10:38 pm.
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its not right what were doing.

.
no no no no
this can't be happening.................. again.
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lip service makes us look great.

.

i hate how i consider someone one of my best friends and they dont consider me anywhere close to that. its depressing. i guess it will never change.

"i cant help it, i got too many issues i own,

so i cannot help im afraid"

goodnight.

Orientation- 09202008- 10-11am

things are looking up once again, the sky is clearer than ever.
all i needed was some time to think.
some time to completely just be alone with only me and my music.
it worked.
today was sooo good after the bell rang.
i wish it would just be like that every single day.
this may sound completely odd and probably dumb to most, but i honestly think that finding the rocket summer saved me. 'do you feel' is an amazing song with an amazing messege that i wish everybody would pay attention to. everyone has problems not just you. there is always a person who has bigger problems than you. be grateful. do a good deed today.


"do you feel the weight of the world singing sorrow
or to you is it just not real?
cause you got your own things
yah we all got our own things, do you feel?"
-TRS <3


thank you, you saved me.

summer has gone and passed, the innocent can never last.

please please please don't ask what's wrong.
I hate talking about these things.
just pretent it never happened or is happening.

word of the day- confrontation [v.] con-fron-ta-tion.
-the act of confronting or the state of being confronted, especially a
meting face to face.
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hello, my name is....

brittany,
and I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me.
something that only I can see.
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weakness stands together, never gonna look back now.

i hate being treated like i dont know what im talking about, like i
don't know the basics. i wish people knew what im capable of. i wish I
knew at times.
im not ashamed to admit it, im so fucking lost right now. i havent felt
like in years and i want everything to stop. i just want life to pause
so i can take a breath without wasting time.

"this is not what I expected. i swore to
you that i'd never fall apart."
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crapcrapcrap.

"this is exactly what I was trying to avoid
this is exactly what I didn't want [to happen]
and now there's nothing that I can do
to fix this
to change things [around]
I never thought I'd take part in this kind of role."

I'm not even sure that should be considered lyrics, I just put
quotations around it because I thought I should. but every word in it
was true, truer than ever. I hate that it is though. I never though I
would be that girl, and now I am, and is seriously pisses me off.

ps- don't ask me what I'm talking about, I won't tell you, its far to
embarrass[hameful]ing to admit.
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being 5

is a gift.




sometimes i think im looking for something that doesnt exsist.

do you feel

.............

The Rocket Summer- Do You Feel

I'm thinking about other things I heard about today. All this week and tomorrow
And how these hands can create some better things a better ring
but you see for now I got my own things
I can help it, I got too many issues I own
So I cannot help I'm afraid, yeah
But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world
Lip service makes us look great
Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or do you is it just not real, Cause you got your things?
Yeah we all have our things I guess,
I guess my mind wanders off from time to time
Sometimes I convince myself that all is fine in the world It's not mine
Why should I have to try to fix things I didn't create or contrive
Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or do you is it just not real
Cause you got your things, Yeah we all so many things
Have the habits. Had you, Has it been for long
Can you feel the souls behind what's going on
Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or do you is it just not real
Cause you got your things
Yeah we all our things
Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or do you is it just not real
Cause you got your things, Yeah we all so many things
And I can get past these things
Ohh

im not even sure if thats the album cover, but i reallly want the rockets summer's most recent album. insanly bad. <3

no way.

you did not just trash on al gore mitt romney!
you can suck it too!
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palin

can suck it.....hard.

[watching the republican national convention]
and whoever this guys is that's talking now can suck it too!
"drill baby drill", "drill alaska"
wtf? do they realize if we start drilling more, oil will go even
faster?!? or are they to busy hotboxing it in the bathroom? that makes
me insanly mad! >:[
yah john mccain has experience but how much longer will that experience
last?
come one, he's fucking old.
and sarah palin is a fucking hillbilly.
yah hillbillies are rad, but not in office, not making decisions for our
country.

geez. republican ideas get me mad. ok there are like 1 or 2 things that
mccain said that I liked but out of about 4729371, 1-2 is not much.

STOP F-ING TRASHING ON OBAMA AND GIVE US YOUR IDEAS AND WHAT YOU WANT TO
CHANGE!!!
I've never been into politics, except for this year.
& I've come to realize....
politics is like high school but on a larger scale.

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so i was in the shower

& i thought of an amazing lyric [well ok I thought it was, couldn't get
much input considering where I was] but i had nowhere to write it D:
i was getting nervous that i was gonna forget it because that happens to
me a lot.
so what did i do?
i wrote parts of it on the shower wall with my brothers axe gel stuff
:D
it looked so pretty! but kinda scary. haha
i was scared my mom was gonna walk in though because she would have got
insanly mad.
and considering i was all naked in the shower D: lol

oh yah, here is what i thought of:
"I did nothing but take you in,
just so I can spit you [back] out"

ok now that i read it again, its not AMAZING, but
i'm pretty proud of it. probably only because it means a lot to me and
really shows what i've been wanting to say these last couple years.

goodnight california kids.
you beautiful lovers.
you beautiful minds.
goodnight california kids.
its the end.

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so sick

of being sick. i dont think I have ever had upper resperatory infection
before now and I NEVER want to have it again. is it weird that the
medicine the doctor gave me for being sick made me even sicker? I think
so.
it so hott.
it just got extremely hott.
maybe im having a heat stroke.
I have like a kabillion cups in my room.
k bye, I'm gonna finish watching chower...
his bladder is going to EXPLODE!
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dun dun dun

i dont know why but i cant post from my phone :[ i tried to in 5th period today and i never got a conformantion email. so i dont know whats going on with that, still trying to get it sorted out.


other than that, today was pretty useless, well the day wasnt, just going to school was. really, your gonna have me wake up at 6:30 to go to school for 4 hours?!? honestly, i didnt learn anything school related today. although it was fun talking to camille on aim during 4th period when i was TAing for miss rockey and she was in that class. hahaha. miss rockey had no idea. lol. like half of that is what i tried posting earlier at school.


subject change:----------------


i didnt match at all today but i still got compliments on my outfit? haha oh well, ill take it :D i just had to wear my new veater [vest/sweater] that i got in the mail yesterday to school and i havent yet aquired a shirt that matches it to well. after school me and amanda went to get some food and joseph came with us! that made me happy :] i havent got to hang out with him in sooo long. i think since sophomore year, yah i know how sad is that? i understand why were still friends though, hes so funny, and just a really good friend :]


i dont think ive posted a blog this long since i made this. so i think imma stop because i ts really hott in the computer/dining room right now :/

jenna maranga= such a bad ass!

currently listening to: katy perry- your love

..........
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i thought you were shackin up in the insane asylum?

woah.

oh sweet fresh air has arizzen.

"and you were still there for me, after all that shit I said and after
you found out I lied. its only makes me feel more guily than before.
even after I cried. maybe it would be best if you would just leave
because you deserve much better than me. please, just leave. let me
stand here and be what I want to be. cause what I want to be is. without
you."

straight from my phone.
bleh.
some parts I like, most I don't D:
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pmore 4 lyfe!

:D:D:D this was one of the best shows by far!
hayley singing with jimmy eat world :D
SacCA :]

last days on earth

last days on earth- history channel.

one of the scariest, truest, and best specials I've seen about global
warming by far.
I severly recommend it.
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it has started.

i often find myself sitting around thinking if i am really the person I
am or if I'm just being this person because its what I've been playing
the role of soo long. i am always confused about it. is what I'm
thinking really what I want to think or am i thinking it because it what
i think I'm supposed to think? every word or thought that I conjure up
has that attatched to the end.
it scares me.
a lot.
maybe more than anything ever has.
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this is what imma try and draw next. everytime i look at it though, it seems more and more impossible.

"A Poets Advice"

got this off www.ahomeboyslife.com and it totally blew my mind.

"A real human is somebody who feels and who expresses his or her feelings. This may sound easy. It isn’t. A lot of people think or believe or know what they feel-but that’s thinking or believing or knowing: not feeling. And being real is feeling—-not just knowing or believing or thinking. Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but it’s very difficult to learn to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody -but -yourself.To be nobody -but -yourself— in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.As for communicating nobody-but-yourself to others, that means working just a little harder than anybody who isn’t real can possibly imagine. Why? Because nothing is quite as easy as just being just like somebody else. We all of us do exactly this nearly all of the time—and whenever we do it, we are not real. If, at the end of your first ten or fifteen years of fighting and working and feeling, you find you’ve loved just once with a nobody-but-yourself heart, you”ll be very lucky indeed. And so my advice to all young people who wish to become real is: do something easy, like dreaming of freedom—unless you’re ready to commit yourself to feel and work and fight till you die."
- ee cummings

yah it's kinda confusing and it took me 2 or 3 times to really get it but its seriously makes you think.
imma have to look this guy up.

fresh to death.

the past two days ive been randomly sitting down in my room and writing
random thoughts that come to my mind. it all makes sense to me but i
guarantee if anybody else reads it they will be so lost. haha. oh well.
panic at the disco and lots of other bands to that shit to me. haha.
maybe i will get the guts to post some of it later. maybe i won't.
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wow, he hit an all new low with me.
prepare yourself with another rant about my dad.

the mailman just came to the door to dropoff a package and
my dad goes- "woah, who is that for? probably not me, it probably for my
daughter because she gets everything she wants. so this is probably
hers."
mailman-"uhh no its for you actually"
my dad- "oh....she is always asking for money.... she is so spoiled
[looks back at me]"
mailman- "oh, well see you later"

are you fucking kidding me?!? he said all this to a random mail guy that
came to our door. who the fuck talks like that to the mailman? I can't
even remember the last time I have asked for money to get something
other than gas. I earn all my money and I am the least spoiled kid in my
family if spoiled at all! geez. that pissed me off so much. and the way
he looked back at me when he said I was so spolied was like he was
trying to get me hella mad! FUCK!
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woah, you draw too!?!

here are some of my more recent drawings.

1. supposed to be a water gun [didnt do to good]
2. my cobra starship drawing from art last year
3. my hands and smudge writing.
4. the top 2 are from tatoos magazines that i try drawing stuff from, and
the bottom piece is from the painting aaron gave me, i tried to draw it.
5. more things from tatoo magazine
6. hayley williams [mid head band :D]
7. the doctor from one of my favorite books.

8. rat tail from the same book as the doctor

tell me what you think?

i keep my life on a heavy rotation

jason mraz= music mastermind!

"wake up everyone,

how can you sleep at a time like this

unless the dreamer is the real you."

be a little artsy fartsy

http://www.redbubble.com/people/brittanymonjes





GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

"& i'll even have the courtesy of admitting i was wrong, as the final words before im dead & gone"

.................................................................................................................................................................
i write in hopes that someone will get to know me, want to know me, but i only reach one-two people. its a damn shame that i have no power. its a shame that minutes after i post i dont have over 100 comments like some of the blogs i read. that would be insane to me. it would be nice to even have 10 comments from people i dont know but have opinions on what im writing about. bleh, i want more than this. but who doesnt want more than what they have? the answer: nobody. it makes me sad that there are people in the industry that can do some much to change things but they take advantage of it all and shop, or go out everynight, or party thier lives away. once again, its a damn shame. i wrote this today when this idea was fresh in my mind...

"and i have much to say but i dont know where to start

maybe i will climb a mountain and scream my thoughts with the hope of someone hearing what i have to say.

maybe what i have to say is not that important

but to me its the equation to solve it all."

bleh, im not to proud of it, but hey, its not like ive been proud of much of the things i write these days. it was easier to write when i hated the world, it was easier to write when everything felt like it was falling apart. is that cliche of me? [i probably didnt even use that word right, i seem to be doing that a lot lately.] is it like every other song out there that has the background meaning of " i hate my life, its not what i wanted" all that metaphorical bullshit? in all honesty, im not to good with words, speaking or writing them. everything sounds so good in my head but when i try to convey it to other i sound like im insane. maybe i am?

oh &, im really bad at staying on topic....

apples are red, i like red, red is like blood, blood looks like ketchup, i like ketchup on fries, is it weird i like fries but not baked potatoes? there are some many ways potatoes can be cooked. baked, mashed, fries, tator tots, scalloped. scalloped potatoes remind me of the ocean. i like the ocean. its blue. i like blue.

from red to blue in 20 seconds.

kinda like those car commercials but the crayon version.

woah, im to weird for my own good. i just freaked myself out.

im think this is what the inside of my brain looks like, maybe a little more mushed up.

goodnight california.

hate mail.

its funny how some people can turn on you in a day or two. shows you who they really are. im good at watching my own back though, i always knew it wasnt tru. honestly, im fine with it, im truley fine with it. it takes a lot to make me mad or feel hurt, and i feel like that is your goal. dewd, i fucking know who i am, who are you? i fucking know where im going and no one is holding me back, where are you headed? thought so. you need to take time and think about yourself before you even put me in your thoughts. that could be taken both ways, depends on who you are on what way you take it. i may be small, but if i really wanted to waste my precious time i could/would destroy you. fucking check yourself kid.

mad as rabbits

every once in a while, and more often lately, i feel like i am
completely out of my element in the world. like no one i talk to can
possibly relate to the things i think of or stir up in my mind. it
usually leaves mouths wide open or heads tilted in confusion. i want to
change the world. welcome home.

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some new stuff

i've been going in and out of writing slumps for a year now it seems. i dont like it.
but ive realized, i just dont have anything to write about. all i do is sit at home and dont really
experience things worth writing about.
but i did write this a few days ago and it has just been sitting in my phone.
tell me what you think....

"....is there something you wanted from me
because i can still hear your screaming one room away.
theres nothing i can do for you now,
your the one who didnt want me to stay...."

is it worth expanding on? im not sure.

do you feel the wind?

riding my moms very old bike is my new favorite hobby, eventhough the seat hurts my bum REALLY bad D: hopefully in the coming weeks im getting a new one though, not one made in 91'.
its a rush riding all over with the wind in your face and music in your ears. you should bring your bike over and we'll ride together :Da beach cruiser like this would be rad, eventhough i live a few hours away fromt he beach. it would be nice to take to san fransisco :]

into the wild

christopher mccandles/ alexander supertramp

Some movies just take you by complete suprise. into the wild was one of them. i didnt think i

would love this movie as much as i do. i find it mind blowing how one person can just really truley see what life is about. about doing what you want to do and not what the world wants

you to think you want to do. i cant think of any way to put into words how amazing this movie

is. the part when he was in the cabaret gives me chills down my spine. i wish i could do what he did, think exactly like he did, talk the way he did, carry myself through the world like he did. people judge others out loud and others judge but just keep it to themselves. but one of the things that blew me away about him was that you can just tell he didnt judge anyone he met either way. he didnt think one bad thing. in a world where sometimes i feel like a total outsider because of the way i think, the clothes i like, and the actions i take one, you sometimes notice that its probably the best road to take through life.

ok im done.

sorry about my rambling, i just love this movie.

anyone?

remember the name of the little girl from hocus pocus?

oh how pictures can be decieving

i think i probably spelt that last word wrong on the title. sorry for that. im horrible at spelling.

i wish i could do magic so i can make myself wake up like this :] i kinda look like some crazy 4 armed, 2 headed kid. the good version, and that bad version.hahaha. you get both sides of the rainbow.

i have the biggest headache right now, and i just want to go drive out in the country and lay on the hood of my car. tonight is music in the park, at lincoln park, whos going? i havent been to it in a while, so im overdue. before i go i need to wash my car because its narrstyy,lol, but i probably wont because its most likely hot outside today D:
dewd, craig owens [lead singer of chiodos] tried to commit suicide, but failed. this makes me want to cry. his vocals are insane!! and all the interviews ive seen with him in it, he seems like a guy that deserves life to me. at the same time i dont really know what goes on in his mind. or even in his life. im hoping for you craig!

"I’m not this fragile being, with a sugar-coated life
I cannot hide this meaning, to a taste of my advice
So when can I suddenly feel
I’ve said too much This is where I faltered
I felt their hands (felt their hands)
Versions of me altered"

this door leads to nowhere

every morning i wake up and every morning my aggrivation with my dad grows more and more. its starting to get rediculous! he sits on the couch watching tv while ordering me and my brother to do chores around the house. i understand that they are my chores, but i dont need him shoving them down my throat. i know what needs to get done and i know when they have to be done by, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! how cliche is it that im saying, "only one more year and im outta here," very. but its how i feel. for the longest time everything was going just fine. a few words here and there and our relationship was fine, but for some reason he had to open his big mouth lately and all the rage it rising in me again. note: he is not currently working because he had a heart attack, which he is supposed to not be lifting heavy things but does anyway. no simpathy, sounds like i have no heart, but come live with me for a few days and you would know. and he tries to pretend that he knows everything, is the owner of everything in the house, and is the hardest working person in our family. FUCK THAT! im done. im sorry for every kid, or adult, who got pulled into my dads act. you dont know him like i do. sooner or later everyone around him is going to abandon him or figure out who he really is. i already see it here and there and he doesnt even realize what he is doing to himself.

Dear Dad, i used to look up to you so much but ive grown and you havent. everyone sees it, not only me. the door you are taking leads to nowhere. sorry to inform you.

i wish that i could create a record label of my very own

and find bands to sign to it. it makes me sad when i find great bands and they are unsigned.
i want to comment/messege/tell them that i wanna sign them, but then i remember i cant D:
it ruins my day sometimes.

check out this band!

www.myspace.com/renfue

you will not be dissapointed.

shop till you drop...

i dont even really want to go.
but having amanda go with me, and getting a shirt,
and possibly meeting up with aaron today is good incentive.
tracy outlet mall here we come :D




ps- i dont know why i blogged about this D: haha

whenever i swim in the ocean i imagine shit like this below me

then i swim back to shore.

another band D-E-dead.

RIP waltz reprise D:

i seriously thought that they were going to be HUGE. but i guess its the end of that fantasy.

part of me wishes i had the power to get great bands back together.

note: i DO NOT personally know this band.

go listen to their songs even so.

www.myspace.com/waltzreprise

here is the new band that came out of the breakup

www.myspace.com/redandpurplemusic

totally different sound, but still amazing.

forecast soothes my soul :]